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  1. #1
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    Default You're not going to believe this larry, I shit all over myself

    BP - Beyond Pathetic

  2. #2
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    classic

    I have indeed sharted pretty bad a few times lol, worst being in the middle of a CIF soccer game... fracking sucks
    I'm here for a good time, not a long time.

  3. #3
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    Just two days ago I shit my pants. I was with three girls driving around Princeton, which is twenty minutes away from my house, and just did not have any other option. Luckily one of the girl's aunts lived just down the street and no one was at the house, so I was able to go there and take care of everything.

    Oh, and even better was that her aunts house was being renovated so there was a huge dumpster outside where I could throw my poopy boxers.

  4. #4
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    I shit my pants hardcore when I was about 4-5 walking into preschool and my parents took me home, it wa embarassing, even at that age. I sharted pretty bad when I was about 15 and had the stomach flu and it was fracking hilarious.
    Don't bro me if you don't know me.

  5. #5
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    "Next morning i took the hugest double tapered shit of my lifetime. Who are the pitchers in this game?"

  6. #6
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    I once sharted right before i had to leave for work, back when i was a cashier at a supermarket. it was godsend that it wasn't even 15 mins later.
    Last edited by RexSkimmer; 07-29-2010 at 07:45 PM.
    Your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass

  7. #7
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    This was the worst time I ever shat my pants. It's a completely true story and I've never told anyone, because it's pretty embarrassing. warning- It's gross.

    Two years ago I was in south africa on a school trip and we were camping in this little village. The village was infested with monkeys and there was this big river that ran right through the camp. We had already been in africa for a week and I had taken a couple showers. We knew not to drink the water because we would get sick, so I made sure I didn't get any of the shower water in my mouth. But, I forgot to close my eyes and water got in them. A couple days after that shower I started to get the worst diarrhea. I would lose a couple pounds from water after each shit.
    Anyways, my friends and I decided we would do a bit of a river safari. We started at one end and walked along the banks for about two hours until we found a group of monkeys and a huge snake. It was quite awesome, but by then I really really needed to shit. So I told my friends that we should probably go back and get some lunch. They all agreed and we turned around. It took us about 1.5 hours to get back to the camp and the whole way I was squeezing my ass to prevent any seepage. Once we reached the camp I started to quicken my pace. By this time I had to shit so badly. I started to jog, but I was still pinching my ass so it was a bit of a penguin waddle. I reached my cabin before my any of my roommates did. I dug into my pockets, while doing a little shit dance, and I realized that I didn't have the key and the door was locked.
    Once I realized this it poured out all at once. Easily 3 pounds of shit and water spilled out of my ass. I was wearing shorts so the shit ran down my leg and got all over the door mat and my shoes. The worst part was the smell. It smelled so horribly, like something had died and was decaying. I knew my friends would be here at any moment. If they saw me covered in shit, they would never let me live this down. I did the only logical thing. I ran. I ran into the bushes. Covered in shit and leaves, I made my way to a nearby cabin. Luckily it was empty and unlocked, no guests were staying in it. I took a shower and washed all the shit off. I then took my destroyed boxers and shorts and threw them as far as I could into the brush, never to be seen again. I then snuck back into my cabin with just a tshirt on. Luckily, everybody was upstairs, so I got dressed.
    Knowing that this moment was crucial, I decided to play stupid. I walked upstairs and began talking to them.
    "Guys, did you see this? There's fracking shit all over our front door," I said.
    "Yeah, it's fracking gross, dude. Do you know what did it?" asked one of my roommates. At that moment I realized that they had no suspicion that it was me, or even a human for that matter.
    "Must have been a monkey or something." I said. They all agreed and we went outside to clean up.

    To this day we still joke about the time when a monkey took a fat shit on our doorstep.

  8. #8
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    thats fracking awesome
    Don't bro me if you don't know me.

  9. #9
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    epic

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by YellowSnow View Post
    "Must have been a monkey or something." I said. They all agreed and we went outside to clean up.
    You let them clean up your shit? LOL that's awesome
    BP - Beyond Pathetic

  11. #11
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    when i was little i was spending the night at my aunts house and i was wearing my lion king footy pajamas and shit myself in my sleep. i wasnt tall enough to reach the phone to call my mom so i woke my aunt up and we never spoke about it.
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  12. #12
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    Oh my god I could never imagine shitting myself in footy pajamas, that or shitting in a wetsuit.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by tommygallagher View Post
    Oh my god I could never imagine shitting myself in footy pajamas, that or shitting in a wetsuit.
    I skim with a kid who shit himself in his wetsuit while we were skimming mid sprint, and no one would give him a ride anywhere so he was forced to go take a nice nude swim. he ended up having food poisoning which sucked but made for a good laugh
    I'm here for a good time, not a long time.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by TY ler View Post
    I skim with a kid who shit himself in his wetsuit while we were skimming mid sprint, and no one would give him a ride anywhere so he was forced to go take a nice nude swim. he ended up having food poisoning which sucked but made for a good laugh
    skinny dipping is the shit(no pun about previous post intended)

  15. #15
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    Its fun for sure
    Don't bro me if you don't know me.

  16. #16
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    Definitely not without atleast(emphasis) a 1:1 Bro/Hoe ratio

  17. #17
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    I jizzed myself in class once.....I usually fall asleep in every bell. Well, i fell into a deep slumber and i was dreaming about banging someone (i didn't even know who, just some random girl) well i woke up and at first i thought i peed myself. I asked to go to the bathroom and i looked in my boxers and it was the biggest mess i have ever seen in my life. I went on to take the boxers off and leave them there for the next person to enter the stall(they were on the toilet) i proceeded to lunch with a huge stain on my right upper thigh. Thankfully i was wearing dark jeans....worst day of my life. I told a close friend of mine shortly after it happened and he nearly cried.

  18. #18
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    Nice segue.
    Donnie Cocker O.G. Skimmer Since 1983
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  19. #19
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    segue?
    i dont think you meant this:

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by DC View Post
    Nice segue.
    Thanks and you can say Segue or Segway, Segway seems to be more slanderous.

  21. #21
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    I was hitting up Wikipedia to check the spelling. Thought I got it in there before anyone noticed but, oh well. I've been out of school for 21 years now & dropped off the spelling bee circuit quite a few years back.
    Donnie Cocker O.G. Skimmer Since 1983
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  22. #22
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    Nice segue to segways.


    edit-apparently i had this window open for way too long haha
    Don't bro me if you don't know me.

  23. #23
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    Now we just need a pic of a guy shitting himself & a guy jizzing in his pants racing each other on segways.
    Donnie Cocker O.G. Skimmer Since 1983
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  24. #24
    kook
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    Im gonna go get my camera.

  25. #25
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    one time when i was like 7 i had to shit real bad in Target, but didnt know where the bath room was. so i was in the toy isle and it just shot right out. i was wearing jeans so this big ass turd came rolling down my leg and onto the floor in the middle of the isle. then i just ran away to a different isle. within like 5 minutes i heard the announcer guy on the speaker say "clean up on isle 14"
    zip-loc fresh
    "Sex is one of the 3 best things in the world, only followed by: ice cream, and the chocolate stuff that hardens on ice cream."
    "Faking an orgasm is like fake eating a bowl of ice cream."

  26. #26
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    some kid shit on the floor in the middle of the hallway at my school between classes last year. here's where the emo faggot's plan went wrong: he stepped in it. the kid cried when everybody knew and the school smelled like bigfoot's dick.

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by tommygallagher View Post
    some kid shit on the floor in the middle of the hallway at my school between classes last year. here's where the emo faggot's plan went wrong: he stepped in it. the kid cried when everybody knew and the school smelled like bigfoot's dick.
    ily
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    "Sex is one of the 3 best things in the world, only followed by: ice cream, and the chocolate stuff that hardens on ice cream."
    "Faking an orgasm is like fake eating a bowl of ice cream."

  28. #28
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    when i was about 11 i was about to take a shit. i was ass naked and standing in front of the toilet. i felt a sneeze coming so i figured id sneeze while standing. Sure enough, the sneeze forced 3 golfball sized turds out on the floor. I was 11 yrs old so i left em there. Later that day i walked past the bathroom and they were gone. Nobody said anything so i didnt feel guilty.

  29. #29
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    I was surfing santa cruz this past weekend, and I almost shat my wetsuit. But, I'll save that story for another day.

  30. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by zeus View Post
    when i was about 11 i was about to take a shit. i was ass naked and standing in front of the toilet. i felt a sneeze coming so i figured id sneeze while standing. Sure enough, the sneeze forced 3 golfball sized turds out on the floor. I was 11 yrs old so i left em there. Later that day i walked past the bathroom and they were gone. Nobody said anything so i didnt feel guilty.
    hahaha that's great

  31. #31
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    hilarious, it's good to know we're at least getting some entertainment out of the rich bastards.

    After the 2007 Vic D.R. and I thought we'd teach some underage locals a couple drinking games. after drinking all their beer and being asked to leave (we were hitting on their girls pretty hard) we walked back to our campsite and drank the last of our beer, that's the last I remmember of that night. Next morning I wake up in my tent with no underwear/pants on and there are taco bell wrappers everywhere. I searched for a few minutes and found nothing so I threw on a pair of shorts and started to make a fire, then the smell hit me. I must have driven blind drunk to taco bell at some point and sharted in my sleep. There were only a few smoldering fragments of the elastic band on my underwear left, but the smell lingered
    Don't lose your dinosaur.

 

 

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