Who wants to proof read my essay for AP LANG!?!?!?!?

[dpc1192]

In Rachel Carson’s “Silent Spring”, written in 1962, the theme of the careless nature of the general American public is discussed, along with the idea that American’s are responsible to keep the environment in livable condition for various wildlife and humans. The author uses an example of pesticides to prove this point, and tells how they have affected the environment in an atrocious way. Which have lead to the death of the environments in which these poisons are used on, as well as the deaths of the wildlife that inhabit the environment in which it is used on.

The careless nature of the American people is shown throughout the passage through the use of diction and tone by the author within this passage. “There is a growing trend toward aerial applications of such deadly poisons such as parathion to “control” concentrations of birds to distasteful farmers.” The author uses punctuation and tone to show his sarcasm towards the idea that the farmers think they are “controlling” the pest problem, while they are really just killing at will. The usage of parenthesis really solidify the tone of sarcasm by the author within this quote. “The problem could have been solved easily by a slight change in the agricultural practice.” The author uses diction and tone to solidify how easily these deaths could’ve been avoided. This quote aims at the readers emotions to makes them feel as if they were exceptionally ignorant and naïve to let this happen in their backyards. Throughout the passage the author does an amazing job of making the reader feel guilty for all of these killings that occurred, and makes the reader reflect on their actions.

The author puts the responsibility of the state of the environment in 1962 on the reader through the use of rhetorical questions and emotional content. As well as rhetorical questions and emotional content the author again stresses on diction and tone to make the reader realize how serious the state of the environment is to our country. “Who kept vigilant watch to tell the innocent stroller that the fields he was about the enter were deadly – all of their vegetation coated with a lethal film?” Through the use of a rhetorical question the author makes the reader realize that they are responsible for the deadly fields, and the endless negative affects that parathion has on the environment. This quote also has an extremely morbid and gloomy tone which the author uses to make the reader feel apologetic for their negligence towards the environment. “Yet at so fearful a risk, the farmers with none to hinder them waged their needless war on the blackbirds.” Rachel Carlson writes to the reader’s emotions to make them feel guilty for not speaking out when these plans were being made in their own backyards. Since these events occurred at an earlier time the reader must cope with being responsible for this “mission of death” because they did nothing to stop it.

Parathion is just one of the examples Carson gives to prove the horrendous state of the environment in 1962, and to show the nonexistent response the general American public had on this crisis. Negligence and responsibility are the two most prominent feelings brought upon the reader in this passage, the negligence the people had to help when this occurred, and the responsibility people should have to fight against something when it is obviously incorrect. Throughout the passage the author uses emotional appeal and language to solidify these feelings, and to make the reader recognize that if something to this degree is brought upon us again we must rise to the occasion and solve the problem, not hide in the shadows all over again.

[DjMattyD]

Nobody

[jhooligan]

In Rachel Carson’s “Silent Spring”, written in 1962, the theme of the careless nature of the general American public is discussed, along with the idea that American’s are responsible to keep the environment in livable condition for various wildlife and humans. The author uses an example of pesticides to prove this point, and tells how they have affected the environment in an atrocious way. Which have lead to the death of the environments in which these poisons are used on, as well as the deaths of the wildlife that inhabit the environment in which it is used on.

sentence fragment.

[beachbum]

Lots of punctuations errors. I may miss some. i haven't taken an english class in bout 4 years.

In Rachel Carson’s “Silent Spring”, I BELIEVE the comma needs to go inside the quotation makes. A rule says it should, but since that is a book title maybe not written in 1962, the theme of the careless nature of the general American public is discussed, along with the idea that American’s Don't need the apostrophe on Americans. Nothing is being possessed. You are just talking about Americans (plural) are responsible to keep the environment in livable condition for various wildlife and humans. The author uses an example of pesticides to prove this point, Ever learn of independent clauses and the coordinating conjunctions- FANBOYS (for and nor but or yet so)...Dont need this comma. The first sentence is an independent clause but the second is not. If you said "..prove this point, and she tells how you could use one. Omit the comma. and tells how they have affected the environment in an atrocious way. Which have lead to the death of the environments in which these poisons are used on, as well as the deaths of the wildlife that inhabit the environment in which it is used on.This isnt a sentence. its a fragment. who starts a sentence with "which". Also, Find some better word choice. I dont like "in which these are used on." You should probably combine the two clauses to so it doesnt sound repetitive...for example: "...death death of the wildlife and the environments which they occupy/reside..."[/COLOR]

The careless nature of the American people is shown throughout the passage through the use of diction and tone by the author within this passage. The passage??? THE PASSAGE? what passage? Also, dont repeat passage in the middle and at the end of the sentence.It kills the flow. Maybe start "In THIS passage, the careless nature...is shown through the use of diction and tone by the author. “There is a growing trend toward aerial applications of such deadly poisons such as parathion to “control” concentrations of birds to distasteful farmers.” The hell did this random quotation come from? you never used something (forgot the word) to lead into the quote...you cant just throw a quote in the middle of the paragraph then explain it in the next sentence The author uses punctuation and tone to show his The author is a female sarcasm towards the idea that the farmers think they are “controlling” the pest problem, while they are really just killing at will. The usage of parenthesis really solidify the tone of sarcasm by the author within this quote. stop using "really"...see last sentence...see next sentence. Also, This time you did introduce the following quote, but you used a period and made it the next sentence...should be a semi colon or colon. I forgot the rules on which to use “The problem could have been solved easily by a slight change in the agricultural practice.” The author uses diction and tone to solidify how easily these deaths could’ve been avoided.Dont use contractions in writing papers. use "could have" This quote aims at the readers emotions to makes "to make" not "to makes" them feel as if they were exceptionally ignorant and naïve to let this happen in their backyards. Throughout the passage we need a comma here after "passage" the author does an amazing job of making the reader feel guilty for all of these killings that occurred, and makes the reader reflect on their actions. again following the rule of independent/dependent clauses...there is no subject in the last sentence...its dependent...dont need the comma.

The author puts the responsibility of the state of the environment in 1962 on the reader through the use of rhetorical questions and emotional content. As well as rhetorical questions and emotional content insert comma the author again stresses on diction and tone to make the reader realize how serious the state of the environment is to our country. “Who kept vigilant watch to tell the innocent stroller that the fields he was about the enter were deadly – all of their vegetation coated with a lethal film?” another random quote thrown as a sentence in the paper. Through the use of a rhetorical question, the author makes the reader realize that they are responsible for the deadly fields, no comma needed hereand the endless negative affects that parathion has on the environment. This quote also has an extremely morbid and gloomy tone which the author uses to make the reader feel apologetic for their negligence towards the environment. again...no period...try colon...you cant just introduce a quote, end the sentence, then throw the quote as a sentence of its own “Yet at so fearful a risk, the farmers with none to hinder them waged their needless war on the blackbirds.” Rachel Carlson writes to the reader’s emotions to make them feel guilty for not speaking out when these plans were being made in their own backyards. Since these events occurred at an earlier time the reader must cope with being responsible for this “mission of death” because they did nothing to stop it.

Parathion is just one of the examples Carson gives to prove the horrendous state of the environment in 1962, and to show the nonexistent response the general American public had on this crisis. Negligence and responsibility are the two most prominent feelings brought upon the reader in this passage, semi colon here, no comma (i think). Either way, what you have isnt correct the negligence the people had to help when this occurred, and the responsibility people should have to fight against something when it is obviously incorrect. Throughout the passage the author uses emotional appeal and language to solidify these feelings, and to make the reader recognize that if something to this degree is brought upon us again we must rise to the occasion and solve the problem, not hide in the shadows all over again.

Sorry to trash your paper. Besides all the grammatical and punctuation errors, it seems you keep repeating the same points over and over. I dont see a clear introduction with a thesis statement telling me where you are going with the paper. It lacks organization and it seems you are just rattling off quotes that all say the same thing. Your word choice is also poor (seems like you used microsoft thesaurus several times too). The flow of sentences is confusing and many could be rearranged. I think that is the biggest problem. this paper lacks flow.

I fear for you. You either dont pay attention in english or your teacher is horrible.

Good luck with it. I hope you didnt turn this in to your teacher. Dont worry though, if your dont plan in being an english major (and granted you get college credit from AP) you will never seen an english class again. I came in with AP LIT and AP English which covered my Gen. Ed. Havent read a fracking novel for school since high school.

[LuckyBuMmRa]

probably not a smart idea to post this on the internet because if they run in through that program that finds phrases and other stuff on pages on the internet its gonna come up. I hope they let you explain yourself and not give you a zero.

[can-can]

im pretty sure that program only has a database of certain sites, somb wouldnt be included. And hes just getting his paper proofread for grammar mistakes, thats not plagarism or cheating really.

[LuckyBuMmRa]

naw from my understanding it just randomly searches the internet, like if you put the whole paper in the google address bar this page should come up, and even so teachers aren't always so understanding especially if it was some kind of formal assessment.

[can-can]

i doubt its that simple, because then people could just use papers off sites that make you pay to view the essays.

[Noodles]

What was the prompt?

and your thesis should be the last sentence in your intro paragraph, not the first

[DJ-NJ]

hahhaah OBVIOUSLY not AP huh...

[GnipGnop]

That's not an essay. That's half a page of writing. Never start a sentence with a quotation.

[skimnczach]

Not saying what you're doing is wrong, but taking one RANDOM sentence, voila:

http://www.google.com/search?q=%22Th...ient=firefox-a

[dpc1192]

god damnit i turned it in before reading that edit by beachbum, but changed a few things...

hopefully he doesn't take off too much for punctuation and my other problems considering its our first paper of the year

[skimnczach]

god damnit i turned it in before reading that edit by beachbum, but changed a few things...

hopefully he doesn't take off too much for punctuation and my other problems considering its our first paper of the year

You couldn't wait 1 hour and 17 minutes?