Per BART's request - If I weren't going to hell before...

[Colon]

...I am now.

I live on a quiet cul de sac. We have great neighbors and being that we are the only ones in the sac to have a pool we are pretty popular during the summer. Anyway one of my neighbors is a born again Christian couple with a boy (he's 4, one year older than my daughter).

After some initial bible thumping on their part (trying to get me to attend bible study at their house, etc) we have become good friends. The husband is a good tennis player and I taught him how to skimboard. The wife is nice but a teensy bit standoffish, I think she thinks I am a bit of a heathen. She is very modest in her dress. She is also a runner and has some nice long legs.

Anyway, last week I was sitting around in the front yard with the neighbor wife and her boy waiting for my wife and kid to get home to see if the kids wanted to go swimming. Neighbor wife was sitting on a tree swing and I was pulling a few weeds in the lawn. I look up and low and behold I am looking straight up neighbor wife's skirt (she had her legs far apart, due to the heat I suppose). Just at that moment she looked down. BUSTED.

She immediately crossed her legs faster than the speed of light, but the damage was done. I saw what I saw and she saw me seeing what I saw. I'm pretty sure I broke one of the Ten Commandments although Charleton Heston did not appear with a tablet and burning bush so I'm going off of memory here.

So I guess I'm headed for eternal damnation which kind of sucks. But maybe I can get off on a technicality - it's not like I intended to look up her skirt, it just kind of happened, kind of like when you stumble across a twenty dollar bill lying on the ground.


PS: Once when neighbor husband was trying to get me to go to church with him I said, 'no, it's ok I was baptized as a child so it's all good', to which he replied, 'no, it doesn't count unless you get baptized as an adult'.
wtf is up with that bait and switch? I thought the water to the noggin as a baby had me covered!

[undertheradar]

God allows u-turns.

[Derek Makekau]

colin, do us all a favor and post all of your stories in here.

[Walruz996]

Ha, great story Colin. Have any other good ones?

[Dzan]

PS: Once when neighbor husband was trying to get me to go to church with him I said, 'no, it's ok I was baptized as a child so it's all good', to which he replied, 'no, it doesn't count unless you get baptized as an adult'.
wtf is up with that bait and switch? I thought the water to the noggin as a baby had me covered!

When two different groups of christians tell you two completely contradictory things, just assume they are both wrong and it doesnt matter.

[Rob G]

Well if God does not forgive you, I will. That kind of stuff is like a car accident, you can't not look.
ps. did you like what you saw?

[unorthadox]

do religous people have sex?

[Derek Makekau]

not for fun.

[Mapdash]

So..........do tell.

Clean shaven, love strip, or bush mama

[Chrith]

airstrip probably. If they ever stumble upon extrenious i bet they will never be over again

[Pack A Bowl]

haha funny story

[Skeezin']

did a great job telling it. kudos.

[Skim4L!fe]

haha Noiceeee. But what exactly did you see? Granny panties? Cammando? thong? WHAT WHAT WHAT!!

[BART]

ahha great colin. so now what is it like when you see her? is she afraid of you? husband sit you down for a talk?

[Colon]

ahha great colin. so now what is it like when you see her? is she afraid of you? husband sit you down for a talk?

Too funny - Monday when i got home from work she is sitting in their front yard. I get out of my car and wave to her and she crosses her legs! 30-40 yards away and she crosses her legs for my benefit.

I expected grannies but no, they were kind of frilly white, could see enough to know the carpet matches the drapes (blonde).

Get this - they saved themselves for their wedding night and learned to frack by listening an audio tape provided by their church. No joke.

She won't tell hubby, what's she gonna say, 'I spread my legs in front of Colin and he looked'?

No worries, she'll be back. It's a hundred brazillion degrees out and I'm such a nice guy I let them use the pool when I'm at work.

I wonder if they frack in my pool?

[Derek Makekau]

only if they're procreating.

[narwhal]

Holy shit, I love this thread.

[ledhed]

An audio tape? HAHA

And as for the baptizing question - The general concensus is that Baptizing doesn't matter - It is just a public declaration that you are saved.

[BART]

Get this - they saved themselves for their wedding night and learned to frack by listening an audio tape provided by their church.

wahahhaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa

i feel like i totally get what they're like now

[Chrith]

is she goodlooking?

[Pack A Bowl]

is she goodlooking?

thats what i thought as soon as all this new information flooded the thread, she must be pretty ugly.

[Derek Makekau]

why does she have to be ugly? most women who are saving themselves and regularily attend church, at least in the south and in florida, are breathtakingly gorgeous.

[Colon]

She is plain looking because that's how she wants to look. I think if she did her hair etc she could be pretty cute. Not ugly though. About 5'9" with nice long legs. Her vag is chronologically around 30 but use-wise it's probably 18. Oh wait she had a c-section so I'm backing that down to 16. What a waste.

Now I feel guilty about posting this. They are nice and I consider him a friend. Screw it, none of you know them.

Once when I was playing doubles with him and two other friends (who are heathens like me) we were cracking off color jokes and insulting each other etc and later that day my neighbor calls up one of the other guys and says, "Steve you said something on the court today that really offended me". Steve says, "I'm sorry, what did I say?" Neighbor says, "I can't repeat it". We no longer play with him - to restrictive.

[Chrith]

yea that steroetypical southern bell

[ZapBulletRider]

.wtf is up with that bait and switch?

hahahhhqaa

[BART]

"Steve you said something on the court today that really offended me". Steve says, "I'm sorry, what did I say?" Neighbor says, "I can't repeat it".

ahahahahaha oh my gawd

colin we should hit sometime. i'm a decent 4.0, if i remember you're a 4.5 or something?

[AerialSkimmerBrad]

Your life is very intreaging(sp?) I must hear more from you.

[BART]

you have to put the porn video borrowing and weed inlaw BBQ stories up if you have them saved somewhere. i want to relive them.

[Utah]

haha... Great story...

[BART]

and colin

if you don't archive this shit, you should. will make the book easier to write.

[AerialSkimmerBrad]

You should make a book and publish it with many stories like this and others of your life. I would buy it.

[727bryon]

That was hilarious. I too would buy the book.

[Patrick]

Thats a great idea Bart. Colon your stories are the best.

[2good4u]

Soo sickk..